Thursday, July 24, 2008
Goodbye All
As far as lifetimes go, mine was a pretty interesting one. Although I am referring to it in the past tense, it's not quite over yet, just the best part.
My past is catching up with me. Parkinson's Disease has become a powerful and relentless adversary. It attacks me in different ways every day. I am tired of battling it.
The angina and coronary artery disease are, for the most part, under control, despite the fact I am smoking again -- my way of flirting with the final human act -- the one I almost welcome.
Gambling is once again a major activity. I practice it almost daily. It relieves the pain of, or at least takes my mind off of my physical ills for a little while.
I have successfully severed relations with those who once loved me -- daughters, ex-wives, other family members. I've lost contact with friends and acquaintances, some of whom wish they never were.
I have moved out of Indianapolis to a place I will not reveal. I am quite certain this will be my final independent residence. I am determined not to make any friends here. I have not even met my neighbors yet.
My positive contributions to the world may not outweigh my many mistakes and faults. But, for the most part, I have lived a life without malice and do regret my errors.
I have produced three daughters. The younger two have not communicated with me in several years. I tried to be the best parent I could be during their formative years. I hope they have been better parents still to my six grandchildren.
I had three wives. All of them were better to me than I was to them. The first marriage lasted two dozen years. You can count the length of the second two on the fingers of one hand.
Well, I guess I'll wrap this up before it begins to ressemble a pity party. That's not what it is intended to be. I've had a helluva life and wouldn't trade places with any of you.
I suspect this will be my last contact with you. I certainly am not asking you to reply and I will not respond to any replies. I do not intend to be a burden on anyone, so when I no longer can adequately care for myself, well, I'll take care of that matter when the time comes.
Goodbye all. Enjoy whatever time you have left. I certainly will endeavor to do the same.
My past is catching up with me. Parkinson's Disease has become a powerful and relentless adversary. It attacks me in different ways every day. I am tired of battling it.
The angina and coronary artery disease are, for the most part, under control, despite the fact I am smoking again -- my way of flirting with the final human act -- the one I almost welcome.
Gambling is once again a major activity. I practice it almost daily. It relieves the pain of, or at least takes my mind off of my physical ills for a little while.
I have successfully severed relations with those who once loved me -- daughters, ex-wives, other family members. I've lost contact with friends and acquaintances, some of whom wish they never were.
I have moved out of Indianapolis to a place I will not reveal. I am quite certain this will be my final independent residence. I am determined not to make any friends here. I have not even met my neighbors yet.
My positive contributions to the world may not outweigh my many mistakes and faults. But, for the most part, I have lived a life without malice and do regret my errors.
I have produced three daughters. The younger two have not communicated with me in several years. I tried to be the best parent I could be during their formative years. I hope they have been better parents still to my six grandchildren.
I had three wives. All of them were better to me than I was to them. The first marriage lasted two dozen years. You can count the length of the second two on the fingers of one hand.
Well, I guess I'll wrap this up before it begins to ressemble a pity party. That's not what it is intended to be. I've had a helluva life and wouldn't trade places with any of you.
I suspect this will be my last contact with you. I certainly am not asking you to reply and I will not respond to any replies. I do not intend to be a burden on anyone, so when I no longer can adequately care for myself, well, I'll take care of that matter when the time comes.
Goodbye all. Enjoy whatever time you have left. I certainly will endeavor to do the same.
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11 comments:
Dear Mr. Brailey,
I am interested in your homeless experience and also your writing, so I hope you will continue this blog.
Best regards,
DK
Wordworks2001 -
You know me as CPT1985 on the old Star-News forums. I was sorry to read your latest blog entry.
I know you don't believe in Christ or in the judgement of God that all men and women will eventually face. But I do want you to know that God loves you and He knows where you are ... even if I don't.
I will be praying for you.
Life is a terminal condition. What're ya gonna do?
Peace, buddy, peace.
Captain Corruption
PS IF I think of a good joke later - you know, one that's better than the big joke that's on us all - I'll be sure to drop back by.
Jeff, your interesting and well-tempered posts to the IndyStar forums are not forgotten. Your return would be welcomed. Nicolas (nicmart)
Godspeed, Wordworks. You will be missed.
ksdindy
Ken
Word...
This explains so much about your absence. I'm sorry to hear that things are not great, but I know you'll meet it head on, much like you did on the StarBoards.
Take care, and godspeed.
-Coopster
Hey, WW.. It's Cactus Wren, from IndyStar.
Just a thought... If you can make it to SE AZ, you'll find the mountains, grasslands, sunrises and sunsets extremely peaceful. The Indian tribes provide gambling. too... (plus there are OTB opportunites for the ponies and pups)
I'm not religious, but I DO hope you find peace, and may the gambling gods smile on you.
Word,
You are truly missed. From the sound of your "Goodbye All" you may not believe it, but it's true. And that's from someone who didn't really know you that well, just the tiny window into your mind and heart you provided through your posts on the IndyStar boards.
Rest assured, you are being thought of kindly, and you're in our prayers.
Sincerely, JoeLiberty
Wordworks-
Your "final" words sadden me. You are one whose words I always look forward to seeing. Though you may think otherwise, you're missed by many of us on the forums. Though it's the internet, you've many "friends" there.
Missing you-
Shy_n_Quiet1 (or CallMeShy...or take your pick. LOL)
Susie
Dear Jeff,
I'm sorry it's been so hard for you lately.
You (and your blog) have been more helpful to us, than you will ever know. Thank you so much.
Just remember you have friends who love and care about you, two of them in Mexico City.
"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
–James 1:12-13
God be with ye
Maria
I wondered what happened to you and where you were........
email me and let me know how you are doing........(I know...u are having no contact...but I can ask anyway can't i?)
SLP36@aol.com
Sherri
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